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It is what the title says. This is a cult. We want your money. We also
want to control most aspects of your life. We really aren't asking that much.
LAST UPDATED 5/25/2009!

What we believe:

(This is not the most recent post. It just stays up here for easy reference.)

  • Our leader, R. U. Serious, receives messages from (deity to be named later) and is the only living prophet
  • While a prophet, R. U. Serious is also a man, and therefore fallible. As such, while his messages from (deity to be named later) are all infallible, not everything he says is infallible. At times he may or may not make pronouncements that are fallible, and that’s OK
  • As a show of devotion to (deity to be named later) all members agree to have 65% of their pre-tax income directly contributed to the cult
  • The perfect bride must look 1/2 the groom's age plus 7 years
  • Due to the age disparity, it is important that all men remarry when the ladies of the cult Women's Outreach Ministry determine their wife looks too old
  • All male members will have marriages annulled per WOM rulings, and the wife will then be free to remarry.
  • The leader of the cult is free to marry multiple wives per the previously pronounced schedule
  • Gay marriage is allowed, but neither of the parties will be referred to as a bride. Instead, all same sex marriage participants, regardless of gender or sexual activities, will be referred to as a Ted
  • Marijuana consumption is deemed valuable to spiritual insight, and it’s use is allowed provided it is not used more often than every day
  • Every religious service will include the sacrament of hot wings and FLAMING Jaegerbombs
  • On high holy days the Jaegerbombs will be replaced with Patron
  • Thou shalt not defile thine Patron with the use of salt or citrus
  • Thou shalt not diddle thy neighbor’s wife, husband or Ted
  • Thou shalt not divorce without the blessing of The Prophet R. U. Serious, but thou shall annul
  • All members shall provide satisfactory proof they are on birth control as no new children shall be born in to the cult

    •


    Saturday, May 03, 2008

    Some people really make polygamy look bad

    OK, I have condoned polygamy in the past. Yes, it was only for myself, but that is beside the fact.

    But when I condoned it I was not talking about banging 13-year olds. That's just fucking sick people.

    If you have your own cult, and want to marry a lot of women, go ahead. I don't care. But marry WOMEN. I mean over 18! Yes, I know the age of consent here in Texas is 17, but, still... 18 PEOPLE.

    Oh, and if you have kids with all these wives, don't pretend you aren't married and send the chick off to the welfare office.

    Some people just give cults a bad name!

    Labels: , , ,


    posted by R. U. Serious | 10:24 PM | 0 comments