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It is what the title says. This is a cult. We want your money. We also
want to control most aspects of your life. We really aren't asking that much.
LAST UPDATED 5/25/2009!

What we believe:

(This is not the most recent post. It just stays up here for easy reference.)

  • Our leader, R. U. Serious, receives messages from (deity to be named later) and is the only living prophet
  • While a prophet, R. U. Serious is also a man, and therefore fallible. As such, while his messages from (deity to be named later) are all infallible, not everything he says is infallible. At times he may or may not make pronouncements that are fallible, and that’s OK
  • As a show of devotion to (deity to be named later) all members agree to have 65% of their pre-tax income directly contributed to the cult
  • The perfect bride must look 1/2 the groom's age plus 7 years
  • Due to the age disparity, it is important that all men remarry when the ladies of the cult Women's Outreach Ministry determine their wife looks too old
  • All male members will have marriages annulled per WOM rulings, and the wife will then be free to remarry.
  • The leader of the cult is free to marry multiple wives per the previously pronounced schedule
  • Gay marriage is allowed, but neither of the parties will be referred to as a bride. Instead, all same sex marriage participants, regardless of gender or sexual activities, will be referred to as a Ted
  • Marijuana consumption is deemed valuable to spiritual insight, and it’s use is allowed provided it is not used more often than every day
  • Every religious service will include the sacrament of hot wings and FLAMING Jaegerbombs
  • On high holy days the Jaegerbombs will be replaced with Patron
  • Thou shalt not defile thine Patron with the use of salt or citrus
  • Thou shalt not diddle thy neighbor’s wife, husband or Ted
  • Thou shalt not divorce without the blessing of The Prophet R. U. Serious, but thou shall annul
  • All members shall provide satisfactory proof they are on birth control as no new children shall be born in to the cult

    •


    Saturday, February 11, 2006

    And send me a pizza

    The cult is in need of some work.

    If you read Scared Bunny you are aware of a recent dating misadventure I have had. This cannot be allowed to happen. It is clear that the time has come for me to take my first wife. Now, of course, I was dating a woman whose age was chosen based on the formula required by the cult, so she was 25. However, she was not a follower. In fact, I am not sure she even knew the cult existed. I don’t remember if I told her because my mind was on other things, like the smoking hot schoolgirl outfit she was wearing.

    Anyway, it is incumbent on you, my followers, to help me find a bride. As stated, she must be 25 years old at this time. I am going to require she be a member because that way she knows that if she pulls that kind of lying shit she will be smote by TDTBNL. He hasn’t gotten to smite anyone in a while, and I think he is getting antsy.

    So, I need you all to start recruiting hot 25-year-old females for the purpose of marrying your leader. Please be sure to email me their pics before you make any promises because I really don’t want to have to have you smote. Well, I don’t want most of you smote. Some of you need smote something fierce.


    posted by R. U. Serious | 3:17 PM | 8 comments