(This is not the most recent post. It just stays up here for easy reference.)
Our leader, R. U. Serious, receives messages from (deity to be named later) and is the only living prophet
While a prophet, R. U. Serious is also a man, and therefore fallible. As such, while his messages from (deity to be named later) are all infallible, not everything he says is infallible. At times he may or may not make pronouncements that are fallible, and that’s OK
As a show of devotion to (deity to be named later) all members agree to have 65% of their pre-tax income directly contributed to the cult
The perfect bride must look 1/2 the groom's age plus 7 years
Due to the age disparity, it is important that all men remarry when the ladies of the cult Women's Outreach Ministry determine their wife looks too old
All male members will have marriages annulled per WOM rulings, and the wife will then be free to remarry.
The leader of the cult is free to marry multiple wives per the previously pronounced schedule
Gay marriage is allowed, but neither of the parties will be referred to as a bride. Instead, all same sex marriage participants, regardless of gender or sexual activities, will be referred to as a Ted
Marijuana consumption is deemed valuable to spiritual insight, and it’s use is allowed provided it is not used more often than every day
Every religious service will include the sacrament of hot wings and FLAMING Jaegerbombs
On high holy days the Jaegerbombs will be replaced with Patron
Thou shalt not defile thine Patron with the use of salt or citrus
Thou shalt not diddle thy neighbor’s wife, husband or Ted
Thou shalt not divorce without the blessing of The Prophet R. U. Serious, but thou shall annul
All members shall provide satisfactory proof they are on birth control as no new children shall be born in to the cult
Monday, May 25, 2009
There is a revelation coming
Stay tuned because I have been spending a lot of time in the bathroom.
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